I love Star Trek, the Manic Street Preachers, Adam Ant, John Lydon, Blackbird Raum, Legend of Zelda, Doctor Who, Eraserhead, Klaus Nomi, and other things.
I am also an artist and have a lot of mice.
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So I went to my intake meeting and now I have an assessment meeting in two weeks to see where they can place me.

Two weeks.

Until then, my wonderful doctor gave me a prescription for Ativan (Lorazepam) to ease some of my withrawal symptoms and anxiety.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night because of the extreme discomfort I’ve been in and now I’m covered in scratches and bruises and I’m exhausted.

But Ativan.

My savior.

Be very, very careful with Lorazepam, and all benzodiazapines! I’ve had to withdraw from Lorazepam on two separate occasions, and both times were far worse than any opiate withdrawal… WDs lasted about 2 weeks straight both times for me, and I was bed bound. Try not to take more than 1mg per day, and good luck!

My mother is in control of giving me my dose (1mg only when needed). I just need it to be able to calm down enough to function in the smallest ways. I’ve had to withdraw from clonazepam before, I’m assuming it would be the same. But perhaps not, because I was also on 900mg seroquel at the time. Still I’m not on it long term and like I said, I’m not in control of my dosing (good thing).

Thank you for your wise words <3

So I went to my intake meeting and now I have an assessment meeting in two weeks to see where they can place me.

Two weeks.

Until then, my wonderful doctor gave me a prescription for Ativan (Lorazepam) to ease some of my withrawal symptoms and anxiety.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night because of the extreme discomfort I’ve been in and now I’m covered in scratches and bruises and I’m exhausted.

But Ativan.

My savior.

Intake meeting soon.


Do you ever just wish you could unmeet someone? like maybe they were great up first, or even for awhile. But then they cause you so much pain and sadness that it wasn’t even worth the good times. So now they’re just stuck in your life, in your fuckin thoughts. You want them out but nope, forever they’ll be part of you.

(Source: discare)

How’s the spice pudding? Is that all you have to say for yourself? How can you just sit there and pretend that the last ten days never happened? 

(Source: metatheatre)

It’s not my job to make you a better man and I don’t give a shit if I’ve made you a better man. It’s not a fucking woman’s job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.
Jenny Schecter, The L Word (via southern-feminism)
Don’t ever compliment me by insulting other women. That’s not a compliment, it’s a competition none of us agreed to.
"You’re not like other girls." Shut the fuck up. (via kirraklein)

(Source: escapedgoat)

If I just stay sitting here in this chair, nothing bad can happen.

I'm glad everyone's being so nice to you and just wanted to add my bit i guess I hope everything will turn out well for you and i'm proud you managed to take a first step, i'm sure you 'll find the strength to go through it! Good luck <3
Asked by Anonymous

Thank you, I’m glad I did. I’m… I’m glad I did.

Hi- i just wanted to drop in and say that i hope you get to feeling better. Youre a great person and deserve the very best and i believe you can pull through
Asked by k9queen

Thank you. I’m trying to believe that right now.

Hi, so I hope I'm speaking on behalf of all of your followers here when I say that of course you deserve better, and that you shouldn't have to struggle like you do. You're an amazing person - I'm pretty sure that you were one of the first blogs I followed <3 - and we'd love to see you safe and well. To be honest, I was tearing up when I read your paragraph... You're beautiful and deserve so much more. We love you, Vibrant, please stay safe and believe in yourself! We all believe in you <3
Asked by Anonymous

Thank you. Thank you so much :’)

Maybe I just imagined it. Maybe I caused all of my own pain and fear. Maybe I trapped myself. Maybe I’m the one to blame for everything. Maybe I just don’t remember. Maybe I’m blaming others for my own mind’s doing. Maybe I’m playing the victim.

I can’t sleep, I just keep thinking about it, readily available. Or maybe it was moved. Maybe I don’t dare look because if I check if it’s there then there’s no turning back. Maybe I don’t even glance over at the place where it used to be, and may be still.

I crave it more than anything.

All I have to do it make the call and I’ll be in heaven. I won’t care. Anything will do. Anything. Anything. Anything.

But I have my cigarettes and my family and a place where I feel safe and free to express myself. Everything I dreamed about in my hell but never thought I would find again.

It’s been two days.

Bugs keep biting me but they’re not really there. I have a hard time distinguishing between withdrawal symptoms and anxiety symptoms. Everything I feel is my fault. Everything I feel is imposed by myself. I’m victimising myself, I’m sure. I’m fabricating memories. They can’t be real.

They have to be real, they’re not just memories. They’re text on a screen or ink on a page from the days that it happened.

Maybe I made that up too.

Maybe I’m just a bad person and I try and do nice things and accept people and do no harm to insects and animals and everything because I’m compensating.

Maybe I shouldn’t be here.

Maybe I don’t deserve to be here.

Maybe my thinking is messed up. Maybe by saying that I’m passing the blame again.

“Don’t blame the drugs.” “Stop being so dramatic.” “Stop trying to legitimise everything.” “Why are you doing this now.” “You’re acting like a child.” “I’m doing this for you.”

“Now I understand why your ex did that to you, you provoked him.”

Maybe I blame myself.

Maybe I’m still writing the script to some sort of romantically destructive mental film.

Maybe I just want people on my side because I feel so worthless and weak now. Maybe it was never that bad.

Mister Rogers says goodbye. x

(Source: benwytt)


"No time?"

Underworld - season 15 - 1978

I know im just another internet face.. But I follow you both here and on instagram. I want to wish you the best of luck through these times for you - I know you can have the strength and willpower you need. It's there for you. I just want to see you make it through this. You may just be another person I found online, but you're one of the ones i held onto to watch through their lives. Maybe its weird, but still. I have so much hope for you. You got this.

Thank you so much, I cling to other people’s hope for me when I have none of my own. Thank you. Messages like this give me more strength. I’m suddenly surrounded by positivity and it is so strange.